This Summer

This summer is looking like a whirlwind.

Not even two weeks ago, I got in touch with a high school friend of my brother’s. He does work with a group called The Boaz Project. They serve orphanages in Russia and India. Today I had a conference call with David (my brother’s friend) and the two founders of the organization: Jim and April Jurgensen. It was a fantastic conversation in which I managed not to ramble to much. At the end I was invited to go on a trip with them to Russia at the end of August.

This opportunity is huge. I have been dreaming of serving in Russia for years. It’s amazing how God has literally dropped this in my lap when I wasn’t looking. The timing of it all, the way that this fits me in so many areas, the fact that they have a trip available for me to join, so many things have fallen into place. David said in an email today that it is crazy, but it can only be the Lord at work. I am so overwhelmed by everything that is going on that I hardly know what to feel. There’s nervous anxiety–what if things don’t work out? There’s some dread–what if I discover my dreams really aren’t what God had planned or what I had hoped for? But over all this, there is excitement and trust.

Would you pray with me about this?

I need a visa–and I have a short time frame for that.

I need strength and energy as I am preparing not only for Russia but also 5 weeks in France prior to that.

I need God’s love and patience for those around me who may not understand why I am doing this. I want to treat them with honour and respect, but it can be difficult when it seems that people are putting their grimy toes on your dreams.

More than anything, please pray that I would be sensitive and obedient to God’s will in this.

more info? http://boazproject.org or email me.

 

Woohoo!

I got offered an internship today! It’s so exciting, it’s with a missions group that I think I would really love to work with. The position is really open as they’ve never had an intern before. It would be very fluid, and I could try a lot of things, but eventually hone in on anywhere they need help that really interests me.

I think this could be a great opportunity for me. The woman I’d be working with, Kathie, seems incredibly flexible which is so helpful for my dysfunctional summer schedule. The biggest struggle right now is whether or not I want to leave Colorado. So much of me has been planning to go back, have a break and rest from my time at school. I’ve been looking forward to that time with my parents, our community and a certain family that has become very dear to my heart in the past months. I would love this position, and I think I would love the people I would get to work with. But at the same time, I would love to go home, I would love to be mentored by Ghena, and I would love the comfort of some familiarity.

But whateer is in God’s will for me, that’s what I want to do. If you’ll keep me in your prayers as I try to make this decision, I would so so appreciate it. It’s difficult to have to choose between two great opportunities. But I’m so thankful and excited to have been offered this internship!

 

I’m sitting in the library

without shoes on. I didn’t wear shoes today. Oh no, I wore my galoshes. The brown ones with aqua blue/teal coloured polka dots. Yep, those ones. Because it is drizzling quite steadily today. And at one point, if you stood really quietly in the wlak in closet in Anna and Caitlin’s room, it sounded like rats were running on the roof.

at least, that’s what Caitlin says. I’ve never heard rats running on the roof.

But galoshes, let me tell you, are horribly uncomfortable after sitting at a desk in the library for 3.5 hours. NOw I’m just waiting for Caitlin to finish up whatever she’s working on (nursing? Anatomy? UFDN? Stats?) and then we’ll head home, just as the library closes.

It’s so awe inspiring to me, to sit in this building surrounded by so many books. for a couple reasons: we write books and books and books, and what do we even do with our lives but read other people’s books and then critique them and then write our own? Really, I am at this point in my life where I am all about action. I can’t talk theology with people anymore. I’m tired of talking and reading and writing. I want to go out and live. Second, holy cow! There are a lot of books, and none of them say the exact same thing! We have so much going on in our heads, so many things to say, and we are finite beings! How many books could God write? A LOT! Third, how much money do we spend on these books, and how could that go to so many other people in so many different ways? Not that all the books we have is wrong, I think it’s good to be educated and learned. But really, I think it’s interesting to imagine all the ways this money could have been spent outside of these books. We did this in my political/economic development class today. Did you know, that with the money we’ve spent on the war in Iraq, we could have bought everyone on the planet an iPod? I’m not discounting the good things done in Iraq, but still. That’s just an interesting way to look at the money, and think of it.

that’s all folks. I got nothin else. The library closes in 12 minutes. They just flashed the lights again. I think they want us to leave. They want to kick us back out into the rain.

Where did my galoshes go?

 

Prayer Request

Hi all.

school is going well. I just got back from yet another awesome trip to Vancouver. This one was just for two nights, which is obviously very disappointing. I always want it to be longer. But it was still AMAZING becuause my best friend flew in to visit her brother and sister in law (Twaan was the best man in their wedding) so it’s a super small world, and it was wonderful to see her.

it’s been hard coming back. I am struggling with things at my apartment. I’m also having a hard time with God/Christianity. I just feel like I am surrounded by hypocrites (myself included). It makes me want to drop this whole faith thing and move on. I’m not going to, obviously. I still love Abba and Jesus and I think that everything the Lord does is great. But I am still incredibly frustrated by the church, and all of the failures. We have lots of holy books on the shelves of my apartment and yet, I feel like none of it has impacted us.

it is driving me NUTS.

I’ve also had some roller coaster emotional days and am having a difficult time controlling my thought life. Basically, I’m exhausted and feel all over the place emotionally. I want even my internal thought life to bring glory to God, and lately, I’m pretty sure it’s falling quite short of that.

on the sunny side of the street, Twaan and one of his roommates and I have decided to get together on a regular basis and talk about spiritual stuff. We are also going to attend Prayer and Communion every Friday monring together. I’m really excited for this. I already felt better tonight after hanging out with them once. See? It’s amazing the things that God can do in one evening. Glory be.

 

Oh My.

I haven’t updated in quite a while. Not since January. and it’s September. I’m about to embark on a whole new school year. I’ve completely forgotten about this blog. I don’t know that anyone even reads it anymore.

Hm. I think, maybe this year, I will try to be a better updater. Here are some basic things going on right now though.

Classes start on the 29th of this month. That’s really far away, and yet right around the corner. I’ve been back in Seattle moving in to the apartment for about a week. I still have a couple more boxes to get from random people, and my couch as well, but I have mostly moved in just about everything I own in the SEattle area. It’s been interesting. Kelsie was already here, and I feel like I have moved in to someone else’s home in someways. Anna comes tonight, and Caitlin just before school starts again. I’m sure it will feel the same for them. But One can never say exactly what anyone else is feeling. (Half the time I don’t know what I’m feeling.)

I’m president MuKappa this year–it’s the club on campus for MK’s (missionary kids). I’m excited for it. It’s going to be a great ministry. The club is going to meet at our apartment each Sunday night for dinner and hang out. I’m so excited to get to know the girls (and guys too). We’re having a girl’s small group made up of MuKappa people also, and I think that will be fantastic.

Twaan and I are still dating. Which is amazing after the hellacious year and summer that I’ve been through. I feel like some of the original passion has died down, but I also think that’s normal. I appreciate our relationship in quieter (but no less important) ways now. I appreciate having someone to just be with, and not have to always be doing something, or feel the need for activity. Last night we finished a movie, walked back to my apartment where he collapsed on my couch while I had tea and sat beside him. And it was probably one of the nicest nights since I’ve been back.

Other than that, life goes on, much as it always has. I’m tired today, because I walked up to Safeway and walked down with a whole bunch of groceries (if you live in Seattle or know Queen Anne you can understand that it is a bit of a hike to the grocery from Nickerson Street). Tonight I am going to make sloppy joes, see a friend, welcome Anna home, and just hang out. Very cowish (to those who understand that). Very lovely.

love and blessings

 

Hi Again

He told me what it was.

I mean, it was lots of things. It was a whole bunch of stuff that I was holding onto.

But the future one was definitely it. Just, not exactly. God does want me to let go of my future plans, and let him handle it all. But those plans are far distant from the onese I was really holding onto with tigthly clenched fists. Nope. He had things a bit sooner in mind.

Like apply to be the SPU equivalent of an RA next year.

Which is a quarter long process. So if you don’t mind praying, that would be nice.

ciao mis hermanos. Ustedes son en los manos de Dios.

sara beth.

 

Well Hello Again

Look! I’m updating! And it’s been less than three months! jaja

Let’s see. there isn’t much to say. Christmas break has been nice. I’ve worked a bit so I’ve made some good money that will help pay for books and get me through this next quarter. I’ve also decided to work this quarter. It won’t be much, but enough to pay for textbooks for spring quarter, and enough money to pay for gas on our roadtrip down to Colorado, assuming that all works out.

I think it’s interesting how so often in my life, I don’t make much money, but God supplies just enough to get me by. Sometimes, it’s the exact amount that I need to pay books, or just the perfect bonus so I can buy myself a coat I had been admiring for a while, but lamenting the cost. Really, it’s pretty incredible. God is super good to me. I don’t even understand it.

But he’s also calling for something. I mean, he always has. And I’ve been pretty good at giving back. I’m sure I’ve been innaccurate now and then in my math. But I try to give Corinthians-style and do it sacrificially. Whatever that means each month. It’s always different. But now, he’s calling for more. And I don’t think it’s just money now. I keep getting all these messages, in a million places. Like the movie we watched while I was working Elevation Nursery this week. It was about giving God whatever you have, even if it isn’t much. Because he took two small fish and five loaves and he made a feast for five thousand. Or my dad telling me I need to Trust God a bit more. And Kelsie saying the same thing. And Sarah Barton. And I think I know what God wants me to give to him. In some ways.

I think he wants my future.

Which is strange to say, because he’s always had it. I mean, I’m working for him, right? So that was giving my future to him. But I think he wants it a bit more expansive than just my job. I mean, I thought about grad school, and seminary, and I thought that I would have time to burn, and I would work to support myself, and I would be fine. Because for so long, my decisions have really only affected me. (I mean that in a general sense. obviously my decisions always affect others) Now my choices affect not only me, but Anthony too. I mean, grad school is still a nice idea, but in some ways, it’s a bit out of the question now. And I am saving money now, not only for myself, but for the hope of a future.

and I have to give that hope to God too. Which is hard. Because God likes to take away, just as much as he likes to give. I know he loves to bless us. But often, that blessing can be expressed in the act of God retracting something from our lives. I don’t want that to happen here, and sometimes, I’m afraid of giving that hope to God. So he’s calling for that.

and he’s calling to take away  my worry.

and my money.

and my time.

and my burdens.

and my entire life.

which is so odd. Because I thought I had given it all over to him. I really had.

I think, I just took it back over time.

and now he’s holding out his hand, and asking if I’m going to give it back. Which I should. Because, really, he has a much bigger, broader, more holistic view of what the heck is going on in this psychotic world than I do. But I like my view! But he is taking that all away too.

He’s taking a lot isn’t he?

But then again, he isn’t really taking it.

He’s calling for it.

and slowly, ever so slowly, I’m giving it back.

es solo por mi cinta, no, es por anda cinta Dios. Aku cinta Dios.

and I need to stop combining multiple languages.

 

Dai Jesu achoinekwa, ndaizofara naye

oh my Lord.

our gathering is beyond words.

I think almost everyone cried.

[EDIT: if you want more on this, check out the Dai Jesu page I made.]

 

I’m still here

Yes ladies and gentlemen,

sara has not left the big CO. I am still lying here, in my own sort of purgatory, awaiting my eventual, and inevitable return to Seattle.

In other news… I’ve read some more books. Last of the Mohicans: very different from the movie, but wonderful all the same. Conneticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Cout: amusing, I found Hank irritating, until the end. When I felt superbly sorry for the poor chap. I’m now reading Fresh Encounters, and Changing the Mind of Missions. The former is interesting, the latter, um, boring. Basically, I’m rereading stuff I already know. [ah the glorious beauty of having missionary/pastor parents.] Oh, I also finished Exiles which I started while at school. Let’s talk about htat one.

You know, the first three chapters, if you read that, you’ve read the book. That’s where Frost lays out all his theory on the incarnational church. (ie: not grace chapel, for my co readers) But I enjoyed the rest of the book as well, because it got into the more practical aspects of how to apply the theory to real life. There were some chapters though, where I had a hard time agreeing with Frost. Some of that was hard stuff to hear and acknowledge. But, then I thought that so many people turned away from Jesus, after saying, “Rabbi, this is difficult teaching.” Jesus didn’t run after them to make it easier. And I don’t want to be one of those people. I’m not puting Frost on the level of God, either. But it did make me think about his more heavy practical ideas. Checking clothing companies to see where they make their merchandise, for instance. I mean, that’s just plain time consuming, and I hardly buy clothes anyway… but, it’s true. I should be concerned about child labor, so, I hsould take an interest in where Gap and Target get their clothes made. Who cares if it takes up my time? I still need to be responsible in caring for God’s creation–humanity.

And I have started attending an incarnational model church. Oh, glorious day! I am actually excited to go to church again!

so yeah. that’s about it. If you want more info about incarnational church stuff, let me know. I wrote this really long message to a friend recently, to explain what I was talking about. If you want to know more, I will give you that. Heck, if I get around to it between packing and cleaning for Kelsie coming to visit… maybe I’ll just post it so you cna know what I am talking about. Also, I am here until the 17th, so… if you want to have coffee and talk about missio/incarnational church stuff, please, lets. it’s one of my favorite topics.

 

Another book done.

I just finished House by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker. It was an unplanned read this summer. I saw it at the store while visiting a friend, and in order to look like a customer (so I didn’t get her in trouble) I carried it around. And then I bought it… It was good. Not as good as some others I’ve read by the same authors, but decent. The characters were similar to others that I have read by these two, but it was a different situation and a different use of spirituality. So that was interesting, it had a fairly decent twist at the end, though I won’t lie and say that I hadn’t thought it out. I mean, in some ways, Susan’s identity was always obvious. And the line “he who has ears….” followed by Jack not hearing the rest of hte admonition, well it gave a few things away. All the same, it reminded me of certain sin issues, and how we can let sin get out of control if we just ignore it, even to a point where it entirely takes over and rules our lives–though not in a necessarily overt way.

 I have two chapters left of Mohicans. And a clean room to boot.