I know, I broke a promise…

…I didn’t write a long list about what I learned last quarter. Instead, my spring break was spent eating delicious food, hanging with friends, sitting for about 6 hours in a window seat staring at the sun, baking (in a kitchen with no one hovering), and sorting through old baby clothes. It was reflective, relaxing and beautiful.

One thing I did explore over Spring Break was my heart towards some difficult people that God has placed in my life. I’m ashamed to admit that I am not hte most forgiving person. I think if I had space and distance, that would make it easier to let go and move on. Unfortunately, at college, there’s no such things as space. Everyone seems to be walking in and out of my life each day with no reprieve. I’m learning what it means to love generously even when it takes up my precious time and how to let go of things that have hurt me (and love that person tangibly in the middle of that process). It isn’t easy.

I joined a “community group” at our church recently. On Monday night I talked to the leader for a long time and he said some things that I needed to hear. I almost started crying, and I’ve known the man barely over a week! It was amazing the amount that God said to me through him, and he didn’t even realize it.

This quarter, I’m also applying for jobs. I have to figure out my life now, which is both exciting and daunting. Right now I’m hoping to return to Colorado. I realized over Spring Break how much I miss it. I never have thought of anywhere as “home” until two weeks ago when I stepped off the plane and marched cheerfully to the train. I giggled at the sunshine pouring in the huge windows of DIA, and I think I clapped my hands in the car for joy over the wide open spaces. But at the same time, I am being open to where else God might take me. I’m looking forward to eagerly finding out whatever plan he has–Idaho, Colorado, Oregon–wherever and whatever! Maybe it’s the sunshine and the flowers in bloom and the trees blossoming: I have rarely felt more optimistic in my life.

 

solar powered

I haven’t updated in a while. It’s been a crazy crazy quarter. I am taking less credits, with more work than ever before. It’s been good though, I have learned so much. I am growing a good deal, though it doesn’t always feel like it. There are little things that God is changing in my life, and I think that I will be able to see them more fully over time time during break or even beyond.

The sun is out today in Seattle, it’s one of the few times I don’t regret coming to school here. The sunshine reminds me of freshman year, Ed/Min with Dr. Smyth and laying on the green Demarray lawn while pretending to do homework. It reminds me of the times at Gasworks, and dancing in the Loop, the clouds at Marshall, Wednesday night Rendevouz and so much more.

I’m listening to David Crowder, and I should be working on a paper. But I can’t focus right now. I can’t seem to stay on topic, I can’t think of what to say about Brad’s music and John Wesley. There’s so much to say, and yet, it’s all been said in the simple lyrics. I am wishing and wishing that I could do justice to his words, but instead I am distracted by the guy in the green shirt in Martin Square. He keeps checking his cell phone, and he has a funny black and red bag on the ground below the bench that is bathed in sunlight. Earlier it seemed the whole of campus had descended on Martin Square below me. There was Molly and the boy talking to her was the same one that flirted outrageously with Leah last year. Emily was there, wearing the unecessary red jacket, and the red hat that didn’t quite match crowned her black hair. Yikwa was sitting there with his laptop, his timbuktu bag still slung over his shoulder, covering his waist. He is probably working on the same paper as me.

But now I’m watching Lindsey walk away with Molly. I don’t know when Lindsey in her bright yellow sweater arrived on the warm bricks set in such a confusing pattern. And now Yikwa has picked up his cellphone, checked the time, closes his laptop, stands, adjusts his timbuktu, and grabs the laptop in one hand, then waddles away. And the boy with the bright green shirt, short sleeved despite the faint chill; the one wearing the funny brown hat that makes him look Russian or Mongol; he has slung his odd red and black backpack over his shoulder, checked his cell phone one last time, and he has moved from my line of vision.

ah the windows in the third floor of the library.

so entirely distracting.

but Wesley is calling…

 

I’m sitting in the library

without shoes on. I didn’t wear shoes today. Oh no, I wore my galoshes. The brown ones with aqua blue/teal coloured polka dots. Yep, those ones. Because it is drizzling quite steadily today. And at one point, if you stood really quietly in the wlak in closet in Anna and Caitlin’s room, it sounded like rats were running on the roof.

at least, that’s what Caitlin says. I’ve never heard rats running on the roof.

But galoshes, let me tell you, are horribly uncomfortable after sitting at a desk in the library for 3.5 hours. NOw I’m just waiting for Caitlin to finish up whatever she’s working on (nursing? Anatomy? UFDN? Stats?) and then we’ll head home, just as the library closes.

It’s so awe inspiring to me, to sit in this building surrounded by so many books. for a couple reasons: we write books and books and books, and what do we even do with our lives but read other people’s books and then critique them and then write our own? Really, I am at this point in my life where I am all about action. I can’t talk theology with people anymore. I’m tired of talking and reading and writing. I want to go out and live. Second, holy cow! There are a lot of books, and none of them say the exact same thing! We have so much going on in our heads, so many things to say, and we are finite beings! How many books could God write? A LOT! Third, how much money do we spend on these books, and how could that go to so many other people in so many different ways? Not that all the books we have is wrong, I think it’s good to be educated and learned. But really, I think it’s interesting to imagine all the ways this money could have been spent outside of these books. We did this in my political/economic development class today. Did you know, that with the money we’ve spent on the war in Iraq, we could have bought everyone on the planet an iPod? I’m not discounting the good things done in Iraq, but still. That’s just an interesting way to look at the money, and think of it.

that’s all folks. I got nothin else. The library closes in 12 minutes. They just flashed the lights again. I think they want us to leave. They want to kick us back out into the rain.

Where did my galoshes go?

 

Prayer Request

Hi all.

school is going well. I just got back from yet another awesome trip to Vancouver. This one was just for two nights, which is obviously very disappointing. I always want it to be longer. But it was still AMAZING becuause my best friend flew in to visit her brother and sister in law (Twaan was the best man in their wedding) so it’s a super small world, and it was wonderful to see her.

it’s been hard coming back. I am struggling with things at my apartment. I’m also having a hard time with God/Christianity. I just feel like I am surrounded by hypocrites (myself included). It makes me want to drop this whole faith thing and move on. I’m not going to, obviously. I still love Abba and Jesus and I think that everything the Lord does is great. But I am still incredibly frustrated by the church, and all of the failures. We have lots of holy books on the shelves of my apartment and yet, I feel like none of it has impacted us.

it is driving me NUTS.

I’ve also had some roller coaster emotional days and am having a difficult time controlling my thought life. Basically, I’m exhausted and feel all over the place emotionally. I want even my internal thought life to bring glory to God, and lately, I’m pretty sure it’s falling quite short of that.

on the sunny side of the street, Twaan and one of his roommates and I have decided to get together on a regular basis and talk about spiritual stuff. We are also going to attend Prayer and Communion every Friday monring together. I’m really excited for this. I already felt better tonight after hanging out with them once. See? It’s amazing the things that God can do in one evening. Glory be.

 

The lights of ballard, fremont and wallingford

are all outside my window.

I haven’t much to say. Portland was fun. We stayed with Caleb and Kat and helped them pack up. And then we moved them in to Jared and Teresa’s. These are the kinds of people that I love. Jared and Teresa have taken Kat and Caleb in for a few months. Then, Josh and Jonathon are in between leases so they have moved in for 10 days. Jana is coming to visit in a couple weeks, and of course, Twaan and I will be back down for that.

All the while Teresa makes chocolate dipped strawberries in the kitchen and delicious chocolate chip scones. I even get scolded for doing dishes.

This is generosity. And hospitality.

Classes started up a couple days ago. It’s been okay. I like them all, it’s just a really random mix. My Marxism class is a strange group of philosophy, sociology, psych, sociology, latin american studies, business, and, oh yeah, the token polisci majors. Like me. What? How did that happen?

Tonight I had an “intense dark mocha” with a shot of hazelnut. Twaan brought it to me, after I called him. I was having a bad night, and my wonderful pacar came all the way down the hill to me. He took me to the canal, gave me delicious coffee from Tully’s and sat with me as we watched a tug boat push a barge down through the black water.

Now it is late. Nick just left, after a nearly completed crossword. I’m listening to Celtic music, and the sound of Kelsie texting. And I can see all of ballard, the canal, fremont, and wallingford from our windows. Today is a better day. Or a better night, after a rollercoaster day.

Thanks to Jesus.

Thanks to Twaan.

(And thanks to Will, and his delicious mochas…)

 

You Know? I kind of like the exercise-ball-as-chair-phenomenon

It’s true. It’s starting to grow on me. Not to mention all these nifty exercises that Kelsie taught me. Which is handy, because my normal situps just weren’t hurting enough recently. But these moves on the exercise ball, well, they really help me satiate my masochistic tendencies. Ha.

Anyway. Nothing to say, I’m just really trying to make good on the promise to update. I’m thinking that once classes actually start, I will probably only post once a week. None of this three posts a week nonesense. That simply won’t do when I have things going on other grocery shopping and a million emails for MuKappa.

I’m leaving tomorrow for Portland/Vancouver. I”m excited, but also really nervous. Would you mind praying? I’m nervous for lots of reasons. A. I’m always a bit nervous about new modes of transportation. I’m taking the bus to meet Twaan before we catch the train down. I’ll just feel better once I meet up with him downtown. B. I’m nervous to spend this much concentrated time with all of Twaan’s friends. Granted, I actually know two of them from Colorado–but those are actually the ones who make me most nervous. C. I’ve been doing much better lately at this whole relationship thing, but I still have moments where I freak out about commitment and long term things. I feel like this being the third trip to Portland/Vancouver says something about me being committed. Don’t get me wrong–I am. But things in the future still make me nervous. (Like: oh my gosh. I have to get a job and be responsible and be on my own this time next year. hello? this realization=terrifying)

so if you’ll pray that God would just give me peace and encouragement for all these things, that would be great. We’ve been doing pretty good, me and God. I’m more trusting lately, and I don’t freak as much. But still. I have moments. (I guess we all do, though)

 

It’s Raining Today…

…for the first time since I came back to Seattle two and a half weeks ago. It’s the nice drizzle that I like about Seattle. I walked home from housesitting last night, with only a brown sweater over my blue Henley. I got back to the apartment, my jeans soaked all the way up three inches from the ground, but the rest of me was pretty dry. That’s one of the wonderful things about Seattle rain. I didn’t own a raincoat until an awesome sale took place this summer, and yet, I’ve lived in Seattle for two years! Two years and no raincoat.

I’m sitting here now, at my secretary which we affectionately named Rhonda earlier this week. Instead of a chair I’m using Kelsie’s exercise ball which was recently pumped up. Supposedly this is going to give me better posture or a strong back. Right now I just feel a little sore from not having anything to lean up against. I have a steaming mug of Indo tea with far too much sugar in it. Cars are racing along the street below our apartment, the noise is softened today by the wet pavement. The whole sky is grey and there’s a sort of fog in the air, the kind that makes the whole world lazy and sleepy.

I think I’ll make soup for dinner tonight.

On Thursday I went to Fred Meyer with Anna and August. On the way home, we passed this long row of blackberry bushes, with no obvious owners (they were attached to a fence that enclosed a business which sells different kinds of landscaping/rock/pavement materials). Anna emptied her Fred Meyer bag in to her back pack and we started picking. WE estimate we got 2 pounds of fresh blackberries—for free! It was wonderful. We trudged back home with sticky red fingers, and later that evening we had people over for desert: blackberry tarts. Several rounds of catch phrase later, and we still have a lot of blackberries, and left over custard. I think we’ll have people over again soon.

There isn’t much else to say. It’s a lazy, quiet day in the neighborhood. There’s still steam coming off my tea, wafting up into the open room before disappearing into the chill air of our apartment. Anna is reading a book in the chair behind me. I think I might do that as well.

Ciao mes amies

 

Portland… Vancouver… that place on the border

Look, updating! I’m trying to make good on that promise!

Next week Twaan and I are going to Portland/Vancouver. We have friends that live down there. Jared and Teresa, who we’ll probably be staying with. And Caleb and Kat who we might help move depending on when exactly we do go down.

Vancouver/Portland is home to a lot of the missionaries from Indonesia. From Jared and Caleb as MK’s, to the Pust family, it’s like going down to see Twaan’s extended family. It’s feels even more so that way since the adults get called Aunt and Uncle. In Indonesia, it’s a sign of respect, and the missionaries adopted it.

I think we are (hopefully) going to hike Multnomah Falls. I’m looking forward to it. I saw it when we drove past in June on our way to Idaho. Even such a short glimpse was enough to make an impression, I love waterfalls, and these looked really pretty. It’s only a 1.2 mile hike, but we can go the extra 6 to the top of the “mountain.” We’ll see. I haven’t run since I’ve been back to Seattle, so I’m not sure how I’ll be feeling about 7.2 miles. (And now that I think of it, that might be one way too…)

Today is nothing exciting. If you are out there and you read this, please pray for me. There are three of us living in the apartment now, and it’s hard to not have someone feeling left out. Usually, it ends up being me. It’s actually quite exasperating, because these are two of my really good friends. But we just don’t always do very well as a threesome. Drives me nuts when I want this to work so well.

blessings.

oh! PS! I wrote a whole two paragraphs today! WOOHOO. I hadn’t written anything since June before today.

 

Hi Again

He told me what it was.

I mean, it was lots of things. It was a whole bunch of stuff that I was holding onto.

But the future one was definitely it. Just, not exactly. God does want me to let go of my future plans, and let him handle it all. But those plans are far distant from the onese I was really holding onto with tigthly clenched fists. Nope. He had things a bit sooner in mind.

Like apply to be the SPU equivalent of an RA next year.

Which is a quarter long process. So if you don’t mind praying, that would be nice.

ciao mis hermanos. Ustedes son en los manos de Dios.

sara beth.

 

Pues

I haven’t updated in… let’s see… months? creo que si.

I am back in Colorado now, for Christmas break. It is basically wonderful thus far. I have a friend, Sarah Barton who came with me for a few days. She leaves tonight, so this will be short as I want to spend all the time I can with her.

 Fall Quarter was good. It was long and tiring and exhausting, but I learned a lot. God was so good to me, in so many ways that I did not deserve. I mean, we never deserved anything from him, but this quarter, he just showed continual grace and love to me, in ways I cannot even describe. I ran the whole quarter on his strength, and his endurance.

I made some pretty awesome new friends. MuKappa (a cadre for mk’s) had a bunch of new people this year, and that was good. It was also wonderful to reconnect with the old ones, and get to know some of them better. For instance, Daniel, who had a girlfriend last year, I hardly knew. Well, I knew him, but I knew him in the context of Anna Marie. Now that they aren’t together it has been interesting to get to know them separately, as individuals. One of the newbies: Anna, is from Spain and she is basically wonderful and sarcastic and funny and we get along super well.

Also, I have just learned so  much academically. I got the opportunity to do a big research project on Chechnya/Ingushetyia/Dagestan, and it was amazing. My prof was incredibly helpful, and I cannot have imagined doing the project without his help and encouragement to delve into a subject htat I wanted, rather than my second choice.

And yep. Life was tiring and emotional, but it was good.

selamet,

sara

postscript: I might have forgotten to mention that I am dating someone. so that is good too.