Woohoo!

I got offered an internship today! It’s so exciting, it’s with a missions group that I think I would really love to work with. The position is really open as they’ve never had an intern before. It would be very fluid, and I could try a lot of things, but eventually hone in on anywhere they need help that really interests me.

I think this could be a great opportunity for me. The woman I’d be working with, Kathie, seems incredibly flexible which is so helpful for my dysfunctional summer schedule. The biggest struggle right now is whether or not I want to leave Colorado. So much of me has been planning to go back, have a break and rest from my time at school. I’ve been looking forward to that time with my parents, our community and a certain family that has become very dear to my heart in the past months. I would love this position, and I think I would love the people I would get to work with. But at the same time, I would love to go home, I would love to be mentored by Ghena, and I would love the comfort of some familiarity.

But whateer is in God’s will for me, that’s what I want to do. If you’ll keep me in your prayers as I try to make this decision, I would so so appreciate it. It’s difficult to have to choose between two great opportunities. But I’m so thankful and excited to have been offered this internship!

 

I know, I broke a promise…

…I didn’t write a long list about what I learned last quarter. Instead, my spring break was spent eating delicious food, hanging with friends, sitting for about 6 hours in a window seat staring at the sun, baking (in a kitchen with no one hovering), and sorting through old baby clothes. It was reflective, relaxing and beautiful.

One thing I did explore over Spring Break was my heart towards some difficult people that God has placed in my life. I’m ashamed to admit that I am not hte most forgiving person. I think if I had space and distance, that would make it easier to let go and move on. Unfortunately, at college, there’s no such things as space. Everyone seems to be walking in and out of my life each day with no reprieve. I’m learning what it means to love generously even when it takes up my precious time and how to let go of things that have hurt me (and love that person tangibly in the middle of that process). It isn’t easy.

I joined a “community group” at our church recently. On Monday night I talked to the leader for a long time and he said some things that I needed to hear. I almost started crying, and I’ve known the man barely over a week! It was amazing the amount that God said to me through him, and he didn’t even realize it.

This quarter, I’m also applying for jobs. I have to figure out my life now, which is both exciting and daunting. Right now I’m hoping to return to Colorado. I realized over Spring Break how much I miss it. I never have thought of anywhere as “home” until two weeks ago when I stepped off the plane and marched cheerfully to the train. I giggled at the sunshine pouring in the huge windows of DIA, and I think I clapped my hands in the car for joy over the wide open spaces. But at the same time, I am being open to where else God might take me. I’m looking forward to eagerly finding out whatever plan he has–Idaho, Colorado, Oregon–wherever and whatever! Maybe it’s the sunshine and the flowers in bloom and the trees blossoming: I have rarely felt more optimistic in my life.

 

Soto Ayam and Bapak Wally

Last night I went down to Kent with Twaan. It was good, despite the mishap of getting lost and me being really angry with Twaan’s mad back seat driving skills. He was just trying to be helpful, becuase sometimes I get stressed in traffic (in an unfamiliar, borrowed car). But it had the opposite effect. Not to mention I have just been grumpy for the last 5 days, at least.

But Kent, Kent itself was wonderful. We went to see Indo people. I met Uncle Wally for the first time. We were headed for the back door, and Uncle Wally threw open the front door, calling “Tony!” We made a hard left turn, marched up the steps and straight into the arms of the most famous missionary I know. He gave me a hug, even though we hadn’t met yet. He said he feels like he already knows me, he’s heard so much from Barb (anthony’s mom). And then we went inside to join at least thirty other people eating Soto Ayam, drinking some koolaid-punch-beverage, and sitting or standing all over the house.

This is what I love about the Indo people. We were half an hour late, and Wally ignored my apology as though it had never occurred to him. People smiled and shook my hand, people hugged me and knew who I was, and some of them were excited to meet me. There was so much food, and it was still coming off the stove. There were greetings in other languages, and kisses and lots of laughter. It was like one big happy family reunion.

Except, it wasn’t just like a reunion. It was a family coming back together, even though we didn’t know half of them and some hadn’t been seen for years. This is why I miss missionaries. Because I miss having family and feeling at home in a place I’ve never been.

 

It’s a New Year!

Hello out there!

It’s a New Year, and my computer is running slower than ever.

Break was wonderful, I spent most of it in Colorado, but about a week was spent with Anthony’s family traveling around the Northwest. It was so great and relaxing–just what my heart and mind needed. I certianly wasn’t ready to come back to university and start back up with classes and homework again.

Colorado was a time of real healing and confirmation in a lot of ways. I was supposed to work a bunch, but that ended up not working out, for various reasons. Obviously, God wanted me to take a break, and learn to trust him to provide for my needs financially. I had a lot of time to knit, read books, drink lots of hot chocolate, and just spend time with my family. It was exactly what I needed, and I didn’t even realize it. I love my parents even more than I already did, and I realize how blessed I am to have such a good relationship with both of them.

The Northwest was a lot more activity, but still very good. Anthony and I had some time to ourselves, usually on walks or drives through the cute downtown of the area we stayed. But we also had a lot of time with all of his family, and that was good too. Plenty of card games, some Wii fit, and movies all made for a really good time getting to know people better.

Overall, the people I spent break with meant a lot to me. They were incredibly affirming, something I didn’t realize I was lacking in until four weeks ago. It was a huge blessing to be surrounded by people who cared about me, and to be encouraged a lot in my relationship with Anthony–it can be awkward being the only couple in our group of friends.

I don’t have much else to say. I’m back at the grindstone. I’m researching again this quarter, taking a heavy load, mentoring for a freshmen class, and trying to maintain relationships even as I’m prepping for graduation this year. break was a very encouraging time, a really boost which I think I needed to get me through the next couple of quarters.

I love you all. I hope that your New Year is full of blessings and laughter.

sara

 

Prayer Request

Hi all.

school is going well. I just got back from yet another awesome trip to Vancouver. This one was just for two nights, which is obviously very disappointing. I always want it to be longer. But it was still AMAZING becuause my best friend flew in to visit her brother and sister in law (Twaan was the best man in their wedding) so it’s a super small world, and it was wonderful to see her.

it’s been hard coming back. I am struggling with things at my apartment. I’m also having a hard time with God/Christianity. I just feel like I am surrounded by hypocrites (myself included). It makes me want to drop this whole faith thing and move on. I’m not going to, obviously. I still love Abba and Jesus and I think that everything the Lord does is great. But I am still incredibly frustrated by the church, and all of the failures. We have lots of holy books on the shelves of my apartment and yet, I feel like none of it has impacted us.

it is driving me NUTS.

I’ve also had some roller coaster emotional days and am having a difficult time controlling my thought life. Basically, I’m exhausted and feel all over the place emotionally. I want even my internal thought life to bring glory to God, and lately, I’m pretty sure it’s falling quite short of that.

on the sunny side of the street, Twaan and one of his roommates and I have decided to get together on a regular basis and talk about spiritual stuff. We are also going to attend Prayer and Communion every Friday monring together. I’m really excited for this. I already felt better tonight after hanging out with them once. See? It’s amazing the things that God can do in one evening. Glory be.

 

It’s Raining Today…

…for the first time since I came back to Seattle two and a half weeks ago. It’s the nice drizzle that I like about Seattle. I walked home from housesitting last night, with only a brown sweater over my blue Henley. I got back to the apartment, my jeans soaked all the way up three inches from the ground, but the rest of me was pretty dry. That’s one of the wonderful things about Seattle rain. I didn’t own a raincoat until an awesome sale took place this summer, and yet, I’ve lived in Seattle for two years! Two years and no raincoat.

I’m sitting here now, at my secretary which we affectionately named Rhonda earlier this week. Instead of a chair I’m using Kelsie’s exercise ball which was recently pumped up. Supposedly this is going to give me better posture or a strong back. Right now I just feel a little sore from not having anything to lean up against. I have a steaming mug of Indo tea with far too much sugar in it. Cars are racing along the street below our apartment, the noise is softened today by the wet pavement. The whole sky is grey and there’s a sort of fog in the air, the kind that makes the whole world lazy and sleepy.

I think I’ll make soup for dinner tonight.

On Thursday I went to Fred Meyer with Anna and August. On the way home, we passed this long row of blackberry bushes, with no obvious owners (they were attached to a fence that enclosed a business which sells different kinds of landscaping/rock/pavement materials). Anna emptied her Fred Meyer bag in to her back pack and we started picking. WE estimate we got 2 pounds of fresh blackberries—for free! It was wonderful. We trudged back home with sticky red fingers, and later that evening we had people over for desert: blackberry tarts. Several rounds of catch phrase later, and we still have a lot of blackberries, and left over custard. I think we’ll have people over again soon.

There isn’t much else to say. It’s a lazy, quiet day in the neighborhood. There’s still steam coming off my tea, wafting up into the open room before disappearing into the chill air of our apartment. Anna is reading a book in the chair behind me. I think I might do that as well.

Ciao mes amies

 

Pues

I haven’t updated in… let’s see… months? creo que si.

I am back in Colorado now, for Christmas break. It is basically wonderful thus far. I have a friend, Sarah Barton who came with me for a few days. She leaves tonight, so this will be short as I want to spend all the time I can with her.

 Fall Quarter was good. It was long and tiring and exhausting, but I learned a lot. God was so good to me, in so many ways that I did not deserve. I mean, we never deserved anything from him, but this quarter, he just showed continual grace and love to me, in ways I cannot even describe. I ran the whole quarter on his strength, and his endurance.

I made some pretty awesome new friends. MuKappa (a cadre for mk’s) had a bunch of new people this year, and that was good. It was also wonderful to reconnect with the old ones, and get to know some of them better. For instance, Daniel, who had a girlfriend last year, I hardly knew. Well, I knew him, but I knew him in the context of Anna Marie. Now that they aren’t together it has been interesting to get to know them separately, as individuals. One of the newbies: Anna, is from Spain and she is basically wonderful and sarcastic and funny and we get along super well.

Also, I have just learned so  much academically. I got the opportunity to do a big research project on Chechnya/Ingushetyia/Dagestan, and it was amazing. My prof was incredibly helpful, and I cannot have imagined doing the project without his help and encouragement to delve into a subject htat I wanted, rather than my second choice.

And yep. Life was tiring and emotional, but it was good.

selamet,

sara

postscript: I might have forgotten to mention that I am dating someone. so that is good too.

 

Well at least I’m doing something

I am learning quite a bit about patience this summer.

I have been kicking and screaming since about…April. Welcome to July dearheart. Welcome to the July of No Gains. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve made gains this summer. Incredible gains. I have learned that one cannot unload the dishwasher and assume that no screaming means the toddler is playing with her puzzles. The more likely answer is that said toddler has discovered how to open the front door and let the dogs out. Dear, dear children. I have learned that The Arabian Nights is not such the easy read that I expected. Stories within stories within stories can get a little confusing at times. Wait, you mean Cabib is Agib’s father who didn’t know Zobeide? But I thought the fourth calendar–what do you mean there’s no fourth calendar without an eye? I am learning that my love for philosophy is kind of a disease. Descartes, Pascal, ahhh! The addiction to the morphine never ends. It’s tearing away at my skin like leprosy. (which in the biblical sense can refer to several diseases of the skin, not only leprosy) I am learning, that I actually enjoy being a nerd. And I learned that I am from everywhere and nowhere at all once.

So it has been a profitable summer. The entire month at home has been quite the experience. Who knew what five weeks could do to the psyche? Freckled and thinner and healthier and curlier. It has been quite a summer.

But really. This is all nonsense. I wanted to get out. I wanted to go. I wanted to be somewhere. I hoped for Darfur (Blair!), I hoped for Turkey, I hoped for Niger, I hoped for North Africa, I hoped for Mexico, I hoped for North Africa again. All to no avail. It’s like the room we got at school. Gokner and I told God that we would take whatever room on the floor he gave to us. We told him that we would trust him and do what he wanted. We told him we would even take 352 if that was his wish.

We just never expected to get room 352. We never expected him to take a seriously.

I told God I would be happy with his plans for the summer. I do adore Julie and Coy and Bailey. I do love money to afford school. I do love relaxation and dozens of books. Yet, I never expected this to be it. I was waiting for something. I mean, God would spring something on me right? Maybe Bolivia, or Ukraine, or Saudi Arabia for crying out loud! I’d have gladly worn that burkha. But no. The answer came in today. The answer was no.

Come on! I’m ready here! I could be packed tomorrow! I would go to the Merci tribe! I would sit in the bush! I could be packed in an hour! You know I could! I’m so impatient, because I’m so ready!

But I’m trying. I really am trying to understand this patience thing you seem to be so big on. I told you I would be happy, that I would be content to be in the center of your will. I am most days. Search me and know me. I loved yesterday. I loved this morning. It’s just this past hour that’s been bad. I really am trying.

So I guess I’m learning about mystery too. Because I can’t understand why. And I know I won’t ever understand why. So I’m learning. At least I recognize that I won’t ever understand. At least I’m slowly becoming okay with that.

It’s slow going though.

But then, you always did like patience.

 

The joys of the body

I am still wearing my head scarf as I sit here in front of this screen. It’s sort of a paradox.

We went to a Russian Orthodox Church today. I think my clothes still reek of incense. I stood for a little over 2 hours. My back aches, my shoulders feel vaguely dislocated and my feet burned by the time we left. I had no idea what was being said outside of the Lord’s Prayer that was recited in English as well as an exclamation at the end. He is Risen! I didn’t know when to cross myself or when to bow. I didn’t take communion and I didn’t kiss the crucifix. I knew no one and nothing.

I loved it.

I loved the little boy who stared at us so suspiciously with buggy eyes. I loved the way they held up the scriptures, so gilded and embellished. I loved the little girl crawling up the steps with her grandfather close behind her. I loved the way that same little girl, held by her grandmother, was crossed, had her hand kissed and hten touched an icon of a saint. I loved the way they took communion, submissive and humble. I loved the way they sang throughout the entire liturgy. I loved that all ages were together. I loved that people came in late and no one chastised, they only loved. I loved that, though they knew we were not apart of their body, they did not question us or treat us as strangers. I loved the robes, black and regal and handsome. I loved the altar boys in white with gold crosses, bowing at all times and blessing the food. I loved the garments of archpriest Alexei and the way he tugged his beard and translated at the end. I loved the respect and the awe and the reverence. I loved how it felt that stepping through the door of the cathedral was a time warp to another land, another time. I loved the pain of standing there, because there was a man leaning on his cane who never uttered a word of complaint. I loved covering my head and feeling joined to the saints of old. I loved the incense and the candles and icons and the chants and the shouts and the beauty and the joy.

and I am bursting to go to Chechnya.