Look! I’m updating! And it’s been less than three months! jaja
Let’s see. there isn’t much to say. Christmas break has been nice. I’ve worked a bit so I’ve made some good money that will help pay for books and get me through this next quarter. I’ve also decided to work this quarter. It won’t be much, but enough to pay for textbooks for spring quarter, and enough money to pay for gas on our roadtrip down to Colorado, assuming that all works out.
I think it’s interesting how so often in my life, I don’t make much money, but God supplies just enough to get me by. Sometimes, it’s the exact amount that I need to pay books, or just the perfect bonus so I can buy myself a coat I had been admiring for a while, but lamenting the cost. Really, it’s pretty incredible. God is super good to me. I don’t even understand it.
But he’s also calling for something. I mean, he always has. And I’ve been pretty good at giving back. I’m sure I’ve been innaccurate now and then in my math. But I try to give Corinthians-style and do it sacrificially. Whatever that means each month. It’s always different. But now, he’s calling for more. And I don’t think it’s just money now. I keep getting all these messages, in a million places. Like the movie we watched while I was working Elevation Nursery this week. It was about giving God whatever you have, even if it isn’t much. Because he took two small fish and five loaves and he made a feast for five thousand. Or my dad telling me I need to Trust God a bit more. And Kelsie saying the same thing. And Sarah Barton. And I think I know what God wants me to give to him. In some ways.
I think he wants my future.
Which is strange to say, because he’s always had it. I mean, I’m working for him, right? So that was giving my future to him. But I think he wants it a bit more expansive than just my job. I mean, I thought about grad school, and seminary, and I thought that I would have time to burn, and I would work to support myself, and I would be fine. Because for so long, my decisions have really only affected me. (I mean that in a general sense. obviously my decisions always affect others) Now my choices affect not only me, but Anthony too. I mean, grad school is still a nice idea, but in some ways, it’s a bit out of the question now. And I am saving money now, not only for myself, but for the hope of a future.
and I have to give that hope to God too. Which is hard. Because God likes to take away, just as much as he likes to give. I know he loves to bless us. But often, that blessing can be expressed in the act of God retracting something from our lives. I don’t want that to happen here, and sometimes, I’m afraid of giving that hope to God. So he’s calling for that.
and he’s calling to take away my worry.
and my money.
and my time.
and my burdens.
and my entire life.
which is so odd. Because I thought I had given it all over to him. I really had.
I think, I just took it back over time.
and now he’s holding out his hand, and asking if I’m going to give it back. Which I should. Because, really, he has a much bigger, broader, more holistic view of what the heck is going on in this psychotic world than I do. But I like my view! But he is taking that all away too.
He’s taking a lot isn’t he?
But then again, he isn’t really taking it.
He’s calling for it.
and slowly, ever so slowly, I’m giving it back.
es solo por mi cinta, no, es por anda cinta Dios. Aku cinta Dios.
and I need to stop combining multiple languages.
